Age Appropriate?

What is “age appropriate?”  Why are we encouraged (and occasionally nagged) to co-ordinate our actions, lifestyles, state of mind, mode of dress, makeup, hairstyles, etc., with a specific, chronological period of time?

It began when  I was a child.  “No!” my mother said. “You can’t read Peyton Place.  You’re too young.”  So I stole it out of her nightstand drawer while she was at work and read it anyway.  She was wrong.  I found it to be quite entertaining, and delightfully trashy…although a few of the more graphic sex scenes didn’t make sense until a few years later…

At fourteen, I took my hard earned babysitting money to Goldsmith’s to make my first “unsupervised” clothing purchase.  I came home with a little black dress.  Mom said black was “too mature” for a girl my age…but she let me keep it because I adamantly refused to take it back.  I mean…it had a white collar…and it made me feel glamorous and sophisticated…

When I was nineteen, I took off for New York City (from Memphis, TN) to “blow my life’s savings.” (Really? I had about $200)  At the bus station, I was told that I needed to “grow up and settle down…that going all the way to New York just to look at paintings in museums was frivolous and irresponsible…and that riding a bus for twenty six hours to a big city was dangerous (actually suicidal) for a naïve, young girl.”  That one was really confusing, as I was being asked to act like a mature adult, while being told that I was too young to embark on such an adventure.  So what was I?  Grown up? Child?  I didn’t care…I just wanted to see Picasso’s “Les Demoiselles d’Avignon.  I stood in front of that painting for hours…tears of joy running down my cheeks…in another little black dress…like Holly Golightly at Tiffany’s…heaven…

These days, I’m still experiencing ambiguous and conflicting messages, some from complete strangers, regarding my age appropriate appearance and lifestyle…or rather my absence of age appropriate appearance and lifestyle. While most people at sixty are comfortably ensconced in the “acquisition stage,” I’m getting rid of stuff.  Not that I ever had much stuff to begin with, because I’ve spent most of my adult life (and my money) on fabulous adventures.  Hoarding and saving for old age never made sense to me.

Most people don’t understand my retirement plan…to live in a vintage Airstream…to read and write and paint, overlooking a lake, a river, an ocean…to drink coffee and trade stories with quirky strangers in diners...to cook burgers on a big green egg…to never wear real shoes again.  I don’t want to spend my golden years dusting off knick-knacks and mowing the grass.  But they’re still telling me to “grow up.” …to “act my age.”  My response is, “I am acting my age…in my head and in my heart.”

And then, there’s my appearance.  I don’t dye my hair.  It’s silver…to my waist…and I like it that way.  People tell me, “you need to color your hair…the gray makes you look old.”  But those same people say, “you need to stop trying to look like a teenager and cut your hair into a more “age appropriate” style.”  So which is it?  Do I look too old…or too young?  Laughable really, since most of this sage advice comes from individuals who are dyed, stretched, injected, and sucked within an inch of their lives in a vain attempt to look twenty years younger.  Seriously?

My philosophy?  There is a right way and a wrong way for everyone.  But what’s right for one person is probably wrong for another.  Why can’t we just accept, and relish, the fact that we are all fascinating, fabulous, and unique individuals? If being able to check the age appropriate box is important, then please, do it!  If riding a scooter with gray braids flying sounds like fun, then hit the road!  If living in a nice house in the ’burbs is your life’s ambition, go for it!  If you want pink plastic flamingos in your flower beds, by all means, put them there.  And if you want to dye your hair the color it was in high school, or have your boobs lifted to where they were in high school, then I whole-heartedly support your efforts!  I just want to wash my silver hair and roll down the car windows to let it dry in the breeze.  I want to see my laugh lines and belly fat as signs of a life well lived.  My point?  We are free to be you and me.  Why would we want to be anyone else?

C

What's Wrong With Just Being Yourself?

I spent a few hours at the bookstore yesterday afternoon. Since the introduction of Kindles, Nooks, iPads, eBooks, etc., I fear that one day, all bookstores will go the way of the dinosaur. So, I try to patronize them as much as possible. A quiet table by the window…Australian Vogue Living…a latte and a lemon bar…ahhh.

Have you ever noticed how many self-improvement books are on the market? There are literally thousands of “how to” books that deal with self-confidence, depression, fear and anxiety…not to mention coping with mid-life crisis, gray hair, wrinkles, and unwanted belly fat.

There are books on diet and exercise regimens that promise to add years to your life. There are books full of makeup tips, hairstyle suggestions for your facial shape, and wardrobe ideas to minimize your butt…and more books touting lotions and potions for your skin, dyes for your hair, and cosmetic surgical procedures to nip, tuck, and lift whatever sags. You won’t necessarily live any longer, but the strong implication is that your quality of life will greatly improve if your eyes and lips are lined, your cheekbones are amply defined, your unnaturally golden blond bangs are draped over your forehead to hide the wrinkles, and your “love handles” are strategically camouflaged…or sucked out.

Are we really that unhappy and insecure? I mean, as I go from day to day, I come in contact with a lot of people. Most of them look pretty good, and seem reasonably together. But somebody buys these books. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be written and bookstores wouldn’t have a gigantic self-improvement section. Of course, “looking pretty good and seeming reasonably together” doesn’t always translate into actually “being” secure and happy.

I’ll admit, I’ve read a few (hundred) self-improvement books in my lifetime. And, some of them were marginally helpful. But I stopped when I realized that my dog is the happiest person I know…and he doesn’t read. He eats whatever he wants when he’s hungry, and he stops eating when he’s full. He likes to chase squirrels, but never seriously considers the health benefits of running. He enjoys riding in the car with the wind blowing his hair, damned the hairstyle! He likes everybody at the dog park and accepts them as they are, and they all love him back for his friendly, non-discriminatory attitude. He has big ears and a crazy-big nose, but he embraces his flaws and doesn’t consider cosmetic surgery an option. And, he never, ever, checks out his ass in the mirror before he leaves the house…

My question is, why do we human beings think there’s something wrong with us? Do we really need that much "self-improvement?" Are all of those books written because we feel so bad about ourselves…or do we feel bad about ourselves because there are so many books written about what’s wrong with us…and how to fix it? As the kids say, “I’m just askin’.”

C

Personal Style & You ~ Marianne Kobie

What is my style? Since I retired 8 years ago, it has changed dramatically. I am fortunate enough to live in warm weather year round, because of that I own mostly 100% cotton clothes. My usual outfit is a sleeveless tee and shorts or a cotton dress. I am adding jewel colors into my wardrobe, which is so fun, since I had been just a 'brown' person for so many years. You will usually only find me in flip-flops or flat sandals. I have not used a hairdryer in years. I don't wear a watch, and very little jewelry, but I do try and remember to put on long earrings each day. My make-up consists of lipstick and mascara and occasional blush. I guess I always look ready for yoga - which is something I love to do. My silver hair really has fit into my low maintenance life style. So, I guess I just answered what my style is "low maintenance".

Marianne Kobie

Personal Style & You ~ Lynn Oster McClain

Lynn is a new member of Gray and Proud, and has graciously agreed to post her personal style story on Silver Foxes...

You inquired about personal style - I'm 67, so perhaps I'm "too long in the tooth" to be interesting, but here it is anyway. At the age of 60, I decided to base my entire wardrobe on jeans and nearly eight years later my style has endured. I never wear dresses or skirts (hate the look of pantyhose or bare legs on older women, unless they're in amazing shape) and won't wear trousers or slacks in any fabric.

It's all jeans, all the time... I'm thin so I currently favor skinny jeans in white, multiple rinses from light to dark and different fabrications (cotton, cord, velvet, satin, etc.). I keep my jeans style current with tops (always black), jackets (motocross, field, cropped, etc.) and shoes.

Are you still awake?? That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Thanks for sharing, Lynn...and welcome to the group!

C

Personal Style & YOU...

This year, instead of the usual New Year's resolutions...you know...lose weight, exercise, get in shape, etc...I've decided to bring more style into my life. I'm documenting that quest for style in my blog Food+Clothing+Shelter.

Here is an excerpt...

Style? What does that mean? Well, there are endless varieties, and everyone has some type of style…no, really they do. But the kind of style I’m referring to heralds back to a time when life was kinder…gentler…more gracious…more graceful…more…well…stylish.

No, I’m not sinking into a sad, wistful…and futile… state of longing for days gone by. I have no intention of rejecting technology and modern conveniences. And I’m not trying to be pompous, pretentious, or snobbish. My quest for style has nothing to do with money, exclusivity, denial, or keeping up with the Jones’s. It has more to do with personal satisfaction and quality of life.

A huge part of style is personal style. The way we dress, and pull ourselves together everyday, is a uniquely individual process, and a clear indicator of our style. We all have a style - developed through the years by our preferences, and by trial and error. We learn what looks good on our bodies, how much time and money we want to dedicate to clothing, toiletries, cosmetics, etc., and we decide what looks and feels right for us.

I posted a blurb on the Gray and Proud Page earlier this month, asking you all to share with the group the things that define your personal style. Writing a description of your own personal style is fun, and often reveals as much about yourself to you as it does to others.

I'll begin with mine...from Food+Clothing+Shelter...

My own personal style is identifiable, but perhaps a tad lazy. There are days when I’m pulled together, and others when I’m schlepping through the mall in sweats and flip-flops. I wear a lot of black…it goes with everything, and requires very little pre-planning. I prefer “wash and wear.“ I don’t iron, so most of my clothes are stretchy…or wrinkled.:) I like black jeans too. My hair is long and zero maintenance. I don’t dye, and I blow dry on the way to work with the car windows rolled down. I don’t wear a lot of makeup, but I usually wear mascara, blush, and lipstick. I like to be comfortable…maybe a little too comfortable…

How would you describe your personal style? If you'd like to share with us what makes you...YOU...send your blurb to planet_carol@hotmail.com...or to my FB message box, and I'll post it on Silver Foxes.

Have a stylish day!

C

Happy New Year, Silver Foxes...

.....Be the star of your life story in 2012!

I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas...

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white...